Wicked Wednesday, Wicked Mind
This week over at Marie Rebel’s blog, the Wicked Wednesday prompt is Mental Health as suggested by SassyCat who runs a fantastic awareness project called Sex Bloggers For Mental Health.
So this post is going to tie in with that. As you may or may not know, I run 30 Days of Orgasms – an event I started to boost my own mental health over the dark days of winter (read more here). I’m prone to depression any time but particularly now.
The thing with having all sorts of mental health ups and downs it can be hard to distinguish between them at times. I just wanted to cut through all of them and have some clarity. For nine whole days I have been feeling great – so much so that I didn’t notice I was feeling great – does that make sense? I’ve been indulging in the task of trying to have an orgasm a day or at the very least, giving it a go… I’ve genuinely felt calmer, happier and more upbeat. A smile has never been far from my face.
Like I mentioned, I really hadn’t noticed how great I’d been feeling, until today.
Yesterday I just couldn’t find the time or the space to indulge in orgasmic activity so I let it completely just slip my mind.
This morning I woke up to the little nagging doubts and voices that usually accompany me throughout the day. Those annoying little knives that worry at your conscience, reminding you of all the things you’re failing at, all the things you haven’t accomplished… It was low key usual thought disruption and repetitive scenes tumbling over themselves, jostling to make me feel the foreboding.
I say the usual low key disruption, but it was much bigger than that because I suddenly realised that I have had NINE WHOLE DAYS without it. I always live with it, believing it is just something that’s with me, no big deal, but being without it and feeling so relaxed, the thoughts creeping back in today were like a jolt to the soul.
I *can* occupy this life without them!
It’s so strange how comfortable to living without them I got in such a short space of time. Now, I obviously can’t say for sure if it’s the self love which is absolutely responsible for this, but I think I really ought to get back on the orgasm wagon even as a precautionary measure!
Even thinking about it has that delicious warm spreading and moving deep in my abdomen, plumping up my arousal. I’m thinking I want to go and find a battery for that new duckie toy I have – sadly didn’t come with one but I might have to go on a mission…
I’m glad I had this blip today – it’s shown me that in the battle against the darkness within my mind, for me at least, self love is the best weapon. And I will be sure to arm myself fully from now on…
Lots of love and thank you to Sassy and Marie for this prompt x x x
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