Wait, I’m Depressed and Now My Vagina’s Against Me With Thrush?

How Knowing I Had Thrush Actually Helped My Depression

This Post was chosen as an Elust Top 3!

OK so here’s the thing, after my last post, I Don’t Like Talking About It [about me being spectacularly depressed] something new happened to me. Having nervously hitting publish on that blog, I took a lovely long bath to help me relax, do a bit of self-care. After I got out and dried and took the dog for a walk I started noticing itching… ‘down there’ – you know ON MY VULVA.

I thought, oh dear, that’s not sexy, but just got on with things (still feeling low).

By the next morning I went to the loo and there was white stuff: DISCHARGE on the toilet paper. I suddenly realised I must have thrush. After being sick in my mouth then out of my vagina, I calmed down. I did genuinely get quite a shock. I’ve had countless bouts of cystitis and kidney infections but never thrush. Anytime I’ve been feeling particularly low for an extended period of time (like now) I’ve usually come down with something – like, cystitis or even viral arthritis.

I was wondering if I had Lymes disease or something as my fatigue has been quite alarming. When I saw I had thrush, apart form being horrified, I was also elated. You can treat it and manage it, through physical care, diet and medicine, things I haven’t managed to treat my depression with before.

However, despite being relived, I felt an instant disconnection from my vagina. I threw myself into my car and went straight to the chemist and was barely in the shopping centre loos before I shoved the pessary right up to my backwards facing tricky cervix. I’d been feeling a little disconnected since my smear test and had been putting it down to that [oh it came back all clear, hooray!] but my libido had vanished too.

How can I bang on about self-pleasure being self-care when I couldn’t even think about my own vag? I know, I’m dramatic, but I am.

I met the most amazing woman at Eroticon this year Called Kathie who runs Into the Wilde – a site dedicated to managing and curing long term and recurring thrush. I’d been meaning to contact her as she’s launching some lubes soon. It got me thinking about how deeply unattractive and actually ashamed I felt about it. It was horrible. My libido was low enough already but now it was tanking.

However, in a bizarre twist of fate, knowing that thrush and an overload of candida in your system can cause fatigue, depression, loss of libido etc, I actually gained a bit of the old Tabitha spirit back and jumped enthusiastically to my laptop to edit some stories and write some articles. Knowing I had thrush growing in my fanny made me believe that I wouldn’t be capable of being turned on so I knew my work would be more analytical than passionate.

Well, I’m delighted to say, that wasn’t true! I was researching for an article on threesomes in porn and had to watch 5 FrolicMe threesome pornos in a row. I was very aroused.

A woman reaches up to the sky with sun streaming abover her - the words 'I have a happy fanny!' are emblazoned across the picture in bold black font - thrush blog

I thought, my my, this is strange! I was worried my sexual lubrication would dilute the pessary that was hard at work restoring order in my pants… I was squeamish about this but knew I had to orgasm. I was very glad that I managed to feel turned on and felt I owed it to that glimmer in my clit to at least try and orgasm. Some of you may know I’m not the biggest fan of sex toy penetration so I didn’t have to think about that at all. I simply took my newest prototype (still a secret but I’m telling you, it’s fab, part of Ruby Glow range) and buzzed it on my pleasure mound right through my highly sexy ‘I’m not feeling well’ big pants and legging ensemble. It was quick and satisfying and I was absolutely over the moon that I could still get that sexy tingly feeling while being at odds with my fanny.

And it also made me realise that my brain is an absolute BITCH when it comes to ruling over my libido. My body is great, give it a porno when my head is happy, and we’re ready to go, but when my brain is off, there’s no chance.

Just knowing that there could be a physical cause to my current mental anguish and not just a precipice of never-ending gloom, has made me feel happy. I just have to hope the medicine works soon as I’m sure the shine will fade quickly if the actual physical symptoms of thrush continue. That’s where the work of Kathie at Into the Wylde comes in. She has great advice for keeping everything in balance and how to maintain a sense of feeling connected to your own sexuality and body while dealing with thrush.

“The key is to try and not disconnect from that part of yourself, mentally and physically. Check in with your body and listen to the message it’s giving you. Don’t ignore it – attend to its needs – total self care, self love. There are plenty of sexual and sensual practices that don’t require vaginal or even vulval interplay (thought it can be hard to resist once you are in the mood). Sensual practices you can do for yourself such as hip massage with sensual oils really can help to engage and build your feminine energy. A big thing to remember is, its not your fault, there’s no reason to feel ashamed – its a totally natural part of being a women (75% of women will experience it at least once in their lives, with around 6% of all women experiencing it recurrently)! Stay creative, and stay connected!”

You can read her blog about thrush and depression here.

I am extremely grateful to everyone who reached out after my previous post to say they heard me. Honestly, I went from bad tears to good tears in a tweet, so thank you for your support and understanding. x

I know this wasn’t a sexy post but it did have a happy ending and some masturbation so I’m adding it to Masturbation Monday where you can find very sexy posts to get you through the start of the week 😉

masturbation monday logo

And I have to thank Posy Churchgate for reminded me of the #SB4MH campaign – Sex Bloggers For Mental Health.

sex bloggers for mental health logo - blue background black font

44 thoughts on “Wait, I’m Depressed and Now My Vagina’s Against Me With Thrush?

  1. Darling!! Love you. Feel better soon, I loved this post for all your honesty and the hope / assistance it will provide for others.
    You (& your Ruby Glow items) rock!

  2. I am sending you so much love.
    Just a thought but your OH is no taking any medication? My previous relationship my OH was on naproxen and in the end had to resort to condoms as I got constant thrush.
    Your new prototype sounds like something to be excited about. I look forward to hearing more.
    Take care of you. Definitely trying to re find the pleasure did help me when I had those thrush bouts.
    I’ve found the Sh store lube to be completely the best .
    I also loved Tracy Cox the same be with natural things in they don’t make it anymore tho ☹️.
    Don’t want to end this with anything other than 🤗

    1. Oh thank you Gilly! Yes everyone is having the pill shoved down 😀 (or up)
      I can’t wait to show you the new prototype too! So exciting honestly x x

  3. I never thought I’d say this, but hooray for thrush! At least now there’s an explanation for how you were feeling. I hope it clears up for you soon, and that Your Vajesty is back to peak fitness in no time at all 👍😘

  4. I’m sorry you have thrush, (it is irritating in all the ways) but I’m so glad you’ve found a culprit for your loss mood. Isn’t it wonderful when a little knowledge just opens the door to the sunshine? xoxox

    1. Oh it’s a HUGE relief Maria – to know it had a physical root this time – for me, I work so hard on my mental health so when it’s off and I don’t know why, it can be crippling – so thank you! x x x

  5. Thrush is so crap! I’ve had a bunch of times, the first time being when I was a teenager. When I knew to keep it a definite secret from all my friends because a year or so previously another girl in my class had it and we knew this because we overheard the school receptionist telling the teacher her reason for absence. I remember not knowing what thrush was and going home to ask my Mum, so I was at least prepared when it happened to me. I also remember that some other girls clearly did know, or at least knew where it was and when she returned they were all talking about her ‘itchy vag, how she must never wash, probably she was a slag too’ and other endless nasty things teenage girls came up with. In my adult years, I’ve had a few ladies ‘confess’ to me that they’ve got thrush, usually at work to explain why they’re not themselves and they’ve always been delighted when I’ve admitted to having had it too and even more relieved when I don’t seem disgusted by it. I think it’s still a subject we could do with talking about a lot more because there seems to be a lot of information about it that vulva owners just don’t have and they need it. So boo for you having thrush but yay for you writing about it 🙂 and also for sharing Into the Wylde, I am definitely going to chekc that site out x

    1. Oh Floss teenage girls can be the WORST! That poor girl – but fantastic for you for being so open. If it had happened to me years ago I would have kept it quiet but now I’m like – I can’t come to the phone right now, I HAVE THRUSH – 😀
      Thank you Floss x x x

  6. I am sad hearing about never ending gloom, a friend going through that, even though we have never met other than in these pages, you always delight me and I’m happy to hear the old Tabitha spirit is back a bit. I just saw your pink post, maybe those wheels will help get her back.

    1. Aw thank you so much Elliott – it means a lot x x x and for your concern about my bike – so lovely of you – sadly for me, no parents to worry but I will think of your comment and take extra care x

  7. Thank you for sharing this because I have no doubt someone else felt a little less alone in the world reading it, knowing these things happen and they suck but they’re not alone.

    Also, I have a similar reaction when I finally realize the “why” of something and can come up with a potential solution. Even though the problem hasn’t necessarily gone away, I feel better.

    Also ((HUGS)) because heads and bodies just don’t always fucking cooperate and that sucks.

    1. Oh yes, Kayla the relief to have an explanation! makes such a difference. And thank you – I hope it does reach someone who needed to hear it x x x

  8. This is such an important post as it deal with an issue which is so little spoken about. I think you are totally right about the disconnect with your body when it feels like it is failing and embarrassing you and I really connected with your post. 🙂

    1. Yes, I think it is because it’s embarrassing to have it – we have been conditioned to feel like our bits are ‘dirty’ even when they are healthy – so to have something wrong ‘down there’ it feels extra bad. I was embarrassed at first, but then my overriding feeling was – OMG WOMEN ACTUALLY GO ABOUT THEIR DAILY LIVES WITH THIS??!!! Yet more admiration for the strength women have. I basically wanted to shout – I CAN’T DO NORMAL THINGS i HAVE THRUSH, DO YOU KNOW HOW AWFUL IT IS??? 😀 such a dramarama

  9. Oh I have had is soooo many times. I actually had a period in my life when I had it nearly all the time for about 5 years. Losing weight seemed to make a huge difference to that. Now I only get it now and then but I always find eating tons of yogurt and using it internally too always fixes it within a day or so. Touch wood I have only had it once this year.


    1. Ooo Molly, 5 years! It is such a strange condition – nobody talks about it when they have it. I was really shocked at how bad I felt! x x glad it’s better now for you

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