I’m taking part in August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman blog fest
I ‘met’ August last year online and was so inspired by her energy. I read the posts for #BOAW16 and clicked the #BOAWComfortZone – it inspired this true tale…
I wonder why sometimes I feel afraid to voice my desires – not just sexually (this is Girl Boner after all!) but in life as well. Sometimes I’m afraid of my own enthusiasm for things – I’ve been trying to figure out why. I was an incredibly exuberant child at times and I remember vividly one occasion when I was camping with a friend’s family. We’d made hobby horses from sticks with plastic bags filled with leaves for their heads. My friend and I were having, I thought, a wonderful time galloping and cantering through the woods next to the loch, whooping and skipping. Our steeds mighty, our adventures great. We were in another magical realm with when we cantered past the grown-ups round the campfire. My friend’s mother said quite forcefully, “for god’s sake Tabitha, calm down.”
My shame was instant and devastating. I was crushed. I stopped riding my horse which was now just an embarrassing sack of rotting forest debris. My friend sniggered and the adults seemed to be ridiculing me.
I spent the rest of the holiday quiet and acquiescent. Submissive to those who shamed me.
It was many years later when I was kissing a boy, getting quite excited – he was a very good kisser and someone I’d fancied for a while. He slid his hand up to my boob which made me shudder with nerves but we kept kissing so I felt safe. Then his fingers moved lower to the waistband of my trousers. I was unbelievably excited by this point – it felt like a real movie star kind of kiss. He groaned from his throat and it was an amazing erotic sound. I was breathing hard through my nose, not wanting to break free from that kiss for a single moment. My whole body was shaking as his hand slipped between my thighs. I suddenly went cold when I realised my pants were soaking wet. I stopped all motion as he stopped kissing and said, “What are you, some sort of nympho?”
I pushed him away and ran home, utterly ashamed. The worst part was, nobody had told me about female lubrication and I thought I had peed myself.
So since then, I guess I have been guilty of not only being ashamed of my own enthusiastic response to things, but my body’s enthusiastic response. Of course with maturity and experience you can realise that your body responding to touch is incredibly arousing for your partner – just like when you arouse them. It’s just so sad that I let incidents like these hold me back for years. To voice my desires might elicit a strange and inappropriate reaction which would offend those around me. Now in my writing I explore and celebrate desires, arousal and enthusiasm. I can take back those years through my words.
So, this is my comfort zone post – I promise I will let my excitement for all things be abundant, uninhibited and unbridled from now on. I will never curb my enthusiasm again! 😀
Thanks for letting me take part in your blog fest August.
Love Tabitha x x
Remember to click on through to all the other #BOAW16 posts – not only will you get to read some great writing, you can win prizes too.
Celebrate more Masturbation Month with me HERE and win a prizes including a Ruby Glow if you’re a writer taking part in Masturbation Monday this month.
Let me tell you, my Masturbation Monday post is definitely in keeping with the theme of this BOAW16 post! it’s quite NSFW so proceed with caution x x
20 thoughts on “Never Curb Your Enthusiasm – A #BOAW16 Post”
i could not imagine you any less enthusiastic than you are lovely, you’re amazing!!!
Thank you sweetpea! I’m inspired by yours 😀 x x x
Ugh, I hate these stories, hate them so much. But I love your response to it all!
Aww thank you Vida – isn’t is awful when we let others rule how we play and feel. Takes strength to realise it’s nonsense. I can still get it now though… it’s all about confidence, isn’t it. x x
I loved your enthusiasm from when I first met you at SBTS – never quieten it down – you’re awesome as you are and can only shine brighter xxx
Oh thank you Anna! That was a great weekend! Hopefully we’ll meet up at Eroticon in a couple of weeks x x x
I’ve been there, Tabitha, the crushed enthusiasm as a child and as an adult, you captured it so perfectly. Becoming submissive, seeking favor from those we think we disappointed or disgusted. Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking post.
Yes, I wish I could have been more resiliant – but I guess it all goes to making us who we become. And I loved your BOAW16 post too – quick everyone, go over and read Devi’s – all about boobs – hooray!
Oh, there is so much to adore about this post, Tabitha! My heart ached as I read of the criticism you faced, merely for being delighted and thrilled (which are both such awesome gifts).
I, too, can relate. I’ve worked to embrace my full self, my tendency to use LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS (and mean them! ;)), in all areas of life — the bedroom included. Every now and then I have to catch myself, as I apologize silently or aloud for being/feeling/exclaiming “too much.” We are never too much when we are being our authentic selves.
Thank you for this post, for participating in BOAW and for your gorgeous, contagious enthusiasm that no doubt does much good for others. <3
Thank you August! I have been so thrilled by your enthusiasm ever since we first met on Twitter last year. So glad to be joining in BOAW16!
You go and fucking own your enthusiasm, Rayne. You are one of the most talented, stylish, wonderfully Scottish people I know and I am happy to know you. Great post!
Yeah baby! I love that! ‘fucking own your enthusiasm, Rayne’ – now I have been given such a strict instruction, I certainly will. Thank you Jillian – and I look forward to catching up at Eroticon x x
Shaming. Ugh. I hate that. I hate more that it’s so prevalent. I wonder why people seem to go out of their way to steal another person’s joy or enthusiasm. Bigoted? Envious? Pure hate? The destructiveness infuriates me. It takes twice as much time and energy to build a person back up after those hits.
I just have to say I love this post on so many levels and I’m thrilled you found a way to take back your enthusiasm.
Eff the haters. 🙂
It’s strange isn’t it? Perhaps people are embarrassed because they can’t let go in the same way? Or perhaps I’m just embarrassing 😀
But yes, we need to be a bit tougher and like Jillian says, own it! x x
I lost my enthusiasm for many things that were “taboo” over the years. This included most things except eating, religion, and school studies. It has taken me about 40 years to get it back and start to enjoy life again. Amazingly, it took a stroke (near fatal) to bring me around and point me in the right direction. I thank God for most of the effects of that stroke. True, I would enjoy normal balance, fatigue levels, and vision, but can’t beat the feeling of freedom in your mind!
Wow – thank you for sharing, Scott. Yes sometimes it is the worst things that happen to us that show us how lucky we are. I’m so glad you’re finally back in there and going for it! x x
I had to learn the hard way too that I shouldn’t “slow down”, put a stop on my energy or enthusiasm. I was brought up to be modest, humble, quiet, and so on… only later, as a late teen I learned I needed to speak up and be myself, share my experiences, get more self-esteem be more myself… And what made it even more difficult for me was the fact that my father thought me to be proud of my accomplishments and my mother “hushed” me all the time.
My privacy, my intimacy, everything was delayed by this kind of “slowing” down…
But you are GREAT the way you are!!
Powerful story! Thanks for being a role model on what it looks like to overcome shame and reclaim our true selves. I don’t have much more to share right now, but do feel like this story is going to sit in my heart for awhile and manifest itself in surprising ways over the next few days/weeks/months. xoxo