ADHD Sex and Me

ADHD Sex and Me

Ahoy there me hearties! If you follow me on social media you may have noticed that I made an announcement recently – after years of being tortured by my mental health and having no clue as to why I functioned the way I did – I finally discovered that I have ADHD.

I have not been updating this site as much as I normally would through lockdown and I now realise that I’ve been taking the time to examine and come to terms with finding something out about myself which has absolutely shifted my foundations.

I’ve waited to publish this on International Women’s Day because I truly feel that the world over, there must be thousands of women like me out there. Women have gone undiagnosed through childhood and are doing the best they can to navigate adulthood with a neurodiverse condition.

With so many adult women realising they have undiagnosed neuro divergent conditions and how finally their lives are making sense after so many years of feeling everything was wrong but they didn’t know what, I thought I’d like to share a blog about my own coping strategy.

Orgasms save me from myself. Literally.

I’ve always lived a life of mental turmoil – for the longest time the only thing that made sense was that I was possessed by the Devil – or if that felt too egotistical, at the very least, a malevolent spirit. I describe my fight with my mental health as ‘fending off the daggers’ 

I’ve lived a very chaotic life mental health wise – not knowing what the hell was wrong with me – but I always had one constant. And that was orgasms.

Orgasms are the one place where my mind is calm and not attacking me in some way. It is a place where nothing can bad can reach me. That point of absolute detachment from my conscious mind. It’s the only place I truly find peace.

I’ve tried meditating but there’s always something that flirts at the edges, knocking to come in and divert my attention. On this blog, pre-ADHD revelation, I started the 30 days of orgasms challenge. Despite knowing orgasms heal me, it is very easy not to do it regularly or even be so self-destructive as to deliberately avoid them.

Doing a public challenge forces me to address it and at the very least, give myself some self-love attention. So, I do this in Spring every year, to reawaken the self-knowledge and self-healing as a way to fend off the daggers, but it will be very different this year knowing exactly what daggers I’m fending…

Discovering that ADHD might be the root of why my mind is in constant chaos is like being given a golden key to my own existence. I’m beyond high at the thrill of being able to unravel why I am the way I am, and know there are reasons why I do things differently and annoyingly. It won’t stop these things, but it will give me an understanding of myself and a way to treat myself with compassion – something that has truly been elusive all my life, in fact my self-abuse can now be channelled fully into self-love. Both spiritual and physical. 

If it hadn’t been for being able to give myself orgasms through my whole life, I really don’t think I’d have made it this far.

So while we have female sexuality in the mainstream attention right now with things like, The Zoella scandal, it is important to know that self-pleasure can also be a form of escapism that no-one should be denied education of, particularly at high school age.

ADHD and being an undiagnosed adult seems to be quite a hot topic at the moment, so many people seem to be uncovering truths this past year. I wonder if lockdown has forced us to examine our lives in more detail – seek explanations rather than just ploughing on regardless.

Because I have managed to orchestrate my entire life’s work and career in the adult, erotic and sexual pleasure industries, I wanted to tie in with my sexual coping strategies…

Despite feeling like a failure, an imposter, and undeserving of success all through my adult life (hugely symptomatic of ADHD) I can now truly give myself a pat on the back for what I’ve achieved despite feeling this way.

I can show myself the kindness I would automatically show others.

It’s a fucking revelation I’m telling you! I couldn’t quite believe I had depression because for every moment I wouldn’t be able to even get out of bed, there’d be another where I was euphoric and overwhelmed with joy. Again, these mood swings are symptomatic of ADHD too. So many things have slotted into place – even down to doodling constantly. It’s a subtle form of hyperactivity normally associated with girls. That and nail biting…

Thank you to everyone who’s reached out with kind words, or messages telling me they have similar feelings, or just liked some of my posts, it means so much.

And to you reading and subscribing to this blog – thank you for reading and sticking with me!

Now, who’s going to join in my 30 Days of Orgasms this year?

Let’s make it the biggest and the best ever! Starting on the 1st April, we’ll smother the world in our self love oxytocin cloud and create WORLD PEACE!

Yayyyy

Ok because one of my things is to start 7 million new projects, I’ve started recording a blog project called ADHD Sex and me – where I’ll be chatting about sex and sexual coping strategies (if that’s a thing for folks) and living with neurodiversity – I want guests!

If you are in the adult creative industries – perhaps an artist, blogger or writer – or sexy creator, and fancy chatting to be for a podcast, please get in touch! TabithaRayne@gmail.com

I’m really hoping I actually do commit to getting this one off the ground 😀 haha!

In the meantime – give yourself some good loving!

Lots of love

Tabitha x x x

Some sites that really helped me:

Black Girl Lost Keys – an incredible site

Scottish ADHD Coalition – great advice on how to approach your doctor when you’re feeling vulnerable

Rach with ADHD on Twitter

Being Diagnosed with ADHD Saved My Life – Metro article

There are loads more with so much advice and information, you really don’t need to feel alone or intimidated.

There’s a hashtag this IWD – #ChooseToChallenge – I chose to challenge my own, and societies perceptions of ADHD symptoms, particularly in women, and sought out a diagnosis. Even though it was excruciating for me to ask for it – and even worse to fill in the forms (an impossible cycle for ADHDrs).

It was only by stumbling across random posts and tweets on the internet that I began to join the dots in my own life and do some thorough research on the condition. I wanted to share my experience just in case someone out there reads this and has that ah-ha moment too.

Love to you all x x x

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3 thoughts on “ADHD Sex and Me

  1. I’m glad you’ve been given a sort of road map to your own mind/ thought processes. I am sure you will feel ever better about yourself as you get more familiar with the symptoms.

  2. Better late than never, I suppose. I’m so pleased that you have gotten a diagnosis that has given you some more insight into what makes you tick. xx

  3. ADHD pretty much screws up sex for me, cos i end being in a hurry to do a million and 1 styles

    This builds up anxiety and stress which leads to premature ejaculation

    Most times i cannot stay still for 5 mins to enjoy a good BJ from my partner, and when i want to penetrate, i do so in a hurry

    Sad

    Cheers

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