Down the Chimney
You LUCKY LUCKY things! Guess what? The Euphoff is BACK for Christmas!
Our wonderful host Livvy has decided to bring back our favourite event celebrating the worst erotica from around the globe – which seems particularly apt considering what a shitshow of a year it’s been…
But you’re in for a double thrill here, I’m hosting an entry (matron) from the OG Queen and founding member of the Euphoff competition, Jayne from Behind the Chintz Curtain and I’ll pop my own in later.
I’m honoured to present to you this glorious piece of terrible Christmas filth…
Down The Chimney – by Jane Gilbert
“Blimey,” said Elf Jingle. “That looks mighty tight.”
Elf All-The-Way tilted his head to one side and gave the dark opening a contemplative look. “I’ve seen him work his way into smaller ones.”
Elf Jingle’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yup.” Elf All-The-Way nodded sagely. “They have to be properly warmed up, though. You don’t want to be going at it cold.”
“That actually makes a difference?” Elf Jingle asked, astonished.
“Of course it does.” Elf All-The-Way ran a contemplative finger around the sooty rim. “More give.”
As Santa trudged over, adjusting his belt, Elf Jingle couldn’t help but admire his impressive girth. “Well,” he said. “I can’t wait to see him in action.”
Mere moments later he stood beside All-The-Way, mouth hanging open in rapt awe as the Jolly Red Man sweated and laboured over the tight opening, unable to look away as the tight entrance flowered out around him and he sank, slowly – oh, so slowly – inside. “Crikey,” he whispered. “I thought for sure he’d need the brandy custard.”
Now, take a moment to compose yourself, then go to the official Euphoff page at Livvy’s and read some more – why not join in yourself!
Thanks for popping by – I LOVE the Euphoff so expect my own entry later – in the meantime, here’s some horrors from previous competitions…
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