Why Can’t I Tell You What I Want?

Why Can’t I Tell You What I Want?


Why hellooo! This is a joyous celebration of a post because my Clockwork Butterfly trilogy has been made into a boxed set and for a limited time only, you can buy it for 99p! Yes, that’s three whole sexy dystopian novels for 99p!




So what about the title of this post? Well, I was reading the first book, A Clockwork Butterfly last night and the leading lady Lena Lee is quite timid so afraid of appearing rude or greedy that she never says what it is she actually wants or desires. In fact, she is so squeamish about declaring her wants that she barely recognises them any more. This suppression of her desire is also sexual. In this futuristic society where women are raised with the hope of becoming collectors of male essence, they are brought up to deny their own sexual instincts. It has permeated through her whole being.

In contrast to this, at the manor where she is to train, she meets Mae, the compete opposite. Mae states what she wants, needs and desires with such passion and impulsive entitlement that Lena is utterly in awe of her.

I loved playing with this dynamic. I think we all suffer from being unable to voice what we want sometimes in all sorts of situations. I think I’m much more like Lena – I’d be crushed if I had the remote control and I put on a TV show I loved only for you to say you hated it. I’d immediately throw you the remote and let you put whatever you want on. Why? I really don’t know. Conversely though, if we were out dancing and a bit of Dolly Parton came on, I’m sorry, but you’ll be up dancing with me!

So here I am about to voice my inner Mae.

I want you to read this trilogy!

I want you to inhabit this world of sex, passion, joy, devastation and disaster that I created.

And I want you to do it today while it’s only 99p on Amazon! I want you to get absorbed by the story and turned on by the sex scenes.

And then, I *hope* you that you’ll love it enough to leave a review.

(And here comes Lena… but only if it’s not a hassle and you want to, of course!)

Thank you!


A Clockwork Butterfly book cover

Here’s a bit of Lena/ Mae interaction from the first book, A Clockwork Butterfly


“To become a top collector, and indeed all of those who make it will be top collectors, you must first learn to master your own body.” The Archmatria smoothed down her brown robe and studied the crowd before her. “Now, does anyone know what a collector actually does?”

Mae’s hand shot up and the Archmatria honed in on her immediately.

“Ah, yes,” the Archmatria said as she looked approvingly at Mae. “Ms. Waters. Your mother, Jean, was the top collector in her day. We are expecting big things from you.” She smiled a warm smile and held open her hand. “Well, come, come, tell us what you know.”

Mae cleared her throat and straightened up, clasping her hands in front of her. She began, “We are here to pleasure the fertile males and collect the seed for insemination.”

The ripple of anticipation whispered through the students. Actual live male humans? Lena had thought that maybe she would be helping to harvest or defrost the vats of semen frozen in row upon row of canisters of liquid nitrogen, but contact with a real live man? She shuddered with all kinds of mixed emotion. She wanted to see one. Even in the animal kingdom, the males were a rarity and the whole village would crowd around if a dog ever wandered into town with the necessary appendages. Lena remembered once on a trip into the big town nearby, the train actually slowing to a halt when a passenger caught sight of a stallion parading around a field full of mares. Lena could see the horses were in a frenzy, the females arching their backs and lifting their tails. Unfortunately, her mother had hauled her into the tiny lavatory to wipe something from her face before she could see what the alarm was about.

“That is correct, Ms. Waters, thank you.”

Mae gave a huge and somewhat smug smile and the attention turned back to face the front.

“Now, girls…” The Archmatria took a breath and scanned the room, searching the keen eyes of those who stared back. “Archmatria Raquilla will now perform a demonstration on how we acquire the sacred seed.” She ushered a stern looking robed woman to the floor and stepped back.

“Oh my God.” Mae was at it again, poking Lena’s ribs and whispering in her ear. “Imagine that trying to make you come!”

“Come where?” Lena whispered back, and Mae rolled her eyes.

“Here.” Mae’s voice was suddenly very low and throaty. Lena jumped in shock when Mae’s hand cupped her crotch and rubbed slowly and firmly through the fabric while holding her buttocks with the other hand, keeping her in one place. Lena trembled as the rush of sensations took over her once more, and she couldn’t help but ease her heels apart as Mae pressed and kneaded her through her skirt. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” said Mae, releasing her grip on Lena and grabbing her hand, ducking out behind the throng of young women straining to see what the Archmatria was about to do.

“But the lesson…” Lena squeaked as she was pulled out of the lecture theater and into the labyrinth of passageways leading to God knew where.

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“Shh, come on.” Mae tugged Lena, who stumbled in her aroused, confused state.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, stop pulling!”

Mae paused, smiling and breathing hard as she turned to Lena. “Sorry.” Mae giggled, her eyes dancing. “It’s just, I’ve never got to fuck anyone yet, you know? I don’t want to get caught.”

“Caught doing what?”

They started creeping quietly along the stone corridors.

“Aren’t we missing important lessons? Mae? Mae?”

But Mae was in determined mode once again.

Lena grabbed her wrist roughly and spun her around. “I don’t want to blow this, Mae. My mother would kill me.”

Mae just laughed again and stopped at a door that Lena hadn’t even noticed. She drew a key from her pocket and unlocked it, pulling Lena through and shutting it quickly after them. Pushing Lena up against the solid wooden door, she reached around, sliding the key back into the lock and turning it slowly. The flames Mae had ignited inside Lena’s belly now well and truly set fire to her crotch and her pussy burned with desire. She arched her back and thrust out her mound toward Mae’s. Mae leaned close to Lena’s ear, breathing hard at her neck and causing all the tiny hairs to strain and buzz with electricity.

“Sometimes,” Mae murmured in a purring voice, “the best lessons don’t happen in the classroom.”


And there you have it! Buy now for only 99p! If you’re still needing convinced you can get the first book for free when you sign up to my newsletter x x x


Is love the key to survival in a dying world?

Set in a near future where toxins have ravaged the land and destroyed male fertility, this view of a dystopian world harnesses the power of love and determination to fight for survival.

Book 1: A Clockwork Butterfly
Lena Lee is special. Her body produces a rare pheromone, and she is believed to be the savior of mankind. She works in a manor where it is hoped she will reignite the fertility of the males who are held captive. She falls under the spell of the clockwork butterfly maker, Angelo, who spends his time in his cell deftly crafting the intricate creatures. Their love is strictly forbidden, and when their affair is discovered, they plan their escape to freedom.

Book 2: Taking Flight – a prologue
The world is on the brink of a toxic dystopia. Dr. Deborah Regan is a research scientist tasked with finding a cure to save the diminishing male population. When she comes close to a breakthrough and her research papers go missing, she realizes that maybe she’s not meant to uncover the truth. Knowing how precious males have become, and witnessing their increasing disappearances, she fears for the safety of her lover Marcus. One night there’s a knock at the door—the authorities have come for him. The panicked couple makes a break for freedom, but will they reach the cover of the woods? And if they do, can they survive out in the wild?

Book 3: The Meeting Point
Eight years have passed and the fight for a clean, fertile world seems to be lost. Toxins have taken an irreversible hold, and the planet is dying. Deborah and her lover have been torn apart, and she vows to find him and flee to the safety of the hills. She knows this journey to utopia has something to do with the clockwork butterfly maker who once spoke of a place with its own microclimate that the pollution seems to miss. She has no idea of the group of survivors she will have to form or the dangers they will face to bring this vision to reality.

Content Warning: contains graphic sex scenes with multiple partners, including m/f and f/f sexual interaction, strong language, and end of the world shenanigans

boxed set cover art for A Clockwork Butterfly trilogy by Tabitha Rayne

Thank you so much!

(PS, have you clicked this yet?) 😉


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