Jaded

This was meant to be a Sinful Sunday post. I held off.

Today I feel jaded and old and sad.

I don’t have the fight to shrug off my sorrow and my clothes and put out a sexy story or image.

I am simply bewildered and shocked and energyless and I feel absolute guilt for saying so.

I feel terrible that I am so confused about what to do for the best.

Should I be stoic and resolute in my determination to show that I stand and carry on as normal?

Or do I show my fractured vulnerability that is hollow and broken at the thought of shattered lives and families, not only in London and Manchester but the world over.

I can’t find the mojo to bring you fight and positivity today and the burden of that guilt is huge.

I’m tired by people denying climate change and being flippant with our planet.

I may delete this but I feel like at this time, I owe you my honesty. It’s this or I go silent. Maybe that would be better? Or maybe there’s people out there who need to read posts like this too. I simply do not know.

I’m haunted and broken and sorry.

Deep in my heart, I really truly do believe, we shall live in peace someday. A very wise friend of mine reminded me that as a species, we humans are but toddlers in the vast evolution of our planet. We have only been around a very short time – no wonder we struggle and flounder and fight at times. And you know, those words brought me comfort.

Here are links to some other times I did find creativity during times of fear and sadness.

Temporary Custodian

It’s Too Easy to Believe

All my love pouring out on you forever,

Tabitha

x xx

7 thoughts on “Jaded

  1. I hear you Tabitha.
    You’re voicing what many of us feel.
    What can we feel In the face of horror, and tragedy?

    Spend some time with the people you love and the things that give you pleasure.
    And remember that your creativity and kindnesses are the balance to the sadnesses in the world.

    xxx
    my hugs to you
    Em

  2. Leave the post up! What is it that makes you think this feeling is not an appropriate response to grief, horror and uncertainty? The dissonance of the way we’re living? I don’t agree for a second that it’s your job to be entertaining in the face of that – rather it’s your job to give voice to the feelings everyone is having. It’s your job to articulate our fears and frustrations, our grief and concern. Thank you for doing that.

    And also, allow yourself to be in this place a while. It’s fitting to mourn and to fear. It’s the right place to be. Guilt, my arse, darling. Who made you Queen of Resilience and Jolly? Enough of that.

    Btw, did I say the toddler thing? I have no memory of that! It might have been someone cleverer!

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